I wanted to remember what it felt like,
Having you as the coveted part of me,
Being us, just me and you, no in-betweens,
The undoubtedly strong bonds we forged.
I wanted to remember your touch and kisses,
Your hugs and the affection you had for me,
The beautiful feelings that you awakened,
I wanted it all back that was once mine.
I have no idea on what I can do now,
How to go about all this, the turmoil,
That has me on my knees and tortured,
Because I’m new to these endless feelings,
This emptiness, sadness, this endless hollow.
I’m scared, in fear of being here alone,
I was so used to always having you by me,
That now, I’m drowning and I just want us back.
I don’t want to forget even if it rips me apart,
Even when my shattered heart breaks again,
When the illusion of us hurts than memories,
Because somehow the pain keeps me alive,
And it has me looking forward to the next day.
I want to remember what being loved felt like.
This is what I told myself over, again and again,
But I’m done hoping, waiting and wishing.
Today I want to see how it all happened,
I want to see from the society’s eyes,
Because that’s my only option right now,
If I want to know and understand it all.
To understand what it was that prompted you,
That made it so easy for you to crawl back,
When you broke me into unidentifiable pieces,
Yet you still got the courage and audacity here.
I want to understand why you had to lie,
What you had to do to make it all believable,
On the very day you swore only truths.
That’s why today, today, it’s very different.
I don’t want to remember any of it, absolutely.
Not the feeling of your gentle touch, or lips,
The beautiful smile you wear daily, or curves
I don’t want to. I’ve had enough of that.
I don’t want to remember your assurance,
Because that’s what kills me slowly by day.
I can’t deal with that no more, let me be,
Even then I only want a few things back.
I want my heart, my sanity, or what’s left of it.
I want my pain, the one you found me with,
Before you dropped sacks of endless pain on me.
I want what was mine before you. I want it all back.
About the Author
