The current definition of masculinity is limited and this limited understanding is leading us to aggression. We are made to conform in understanding that masculinity is associated with toughness, self reliance, stoicism and acquisitiveness. Manhood is considered to having socially regressive traits in an aim to retain dominance.
According to the 1970’s television show THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN ‘we can rebuild……….better than he was before’.
It is no secret that we have been conditioned to suppress our fears and feelings but project our confidence as men. As young men we were taught that we should wipe our tears as tears were reserved for girls. In the instances where we felt insecure or inadequate we were told to’ man up’. These traits fail to nurture sensitivity in men who have been denied the right to being vulnerable. This simply does no good prioritizing emotional distance rather than emotional intimacy.
The many incidences in our society today ranging from suicide to love triangles explain it all. Men have limited understanding on how to deal with emotional breakdowns and end up seeking refuge in alternative ways.
We have heard cases of lovers turned killers in the recent past in the name of rejection and infidelity. This exposes how most men in society don’t know how to handle rejection. According to Dr. Fred Omondi, a psychologist, rejection is the worst fear among men and when rejected the man responds in robust ways. This is so evident even in our streets, after rejection the man will tend to act in a way to protect his masculinity. You will here comment like ‘hata si mrembo sijui nilikuanakufuata nini'(she is not beautiful i dont even know what i saw in her) or even trying to tarnish the name of the lady. So whenever rejected men feel like their masculinity is threatened the only option seems to be anger’ he says. This is a clear indication that we men of the 21st century don’t know how to go about rejection.
However, this can be redefined. Our boys need to be taught that their masculinity is not fragile enough to be shattered. There is need to reassure them that the future financial income doesn’t necessarily give you a definition in society. It is high time that we start fostering sensitivity and compassion among our boys. This must be done through actively teaching them to take a stand in promoting social justice being compassionate and mindful of others welfare. It is only with this will we be able to REDEFINE MASCULINITY.
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