BROKEN

Empty. Void. Lately that’s all I’ve been feeling,
Twas like that today, yesterday and the days before,
I’m thinking tomorrow won’t be any different.
I’m tempted to think otherwise, hope, maybe,
But I haven’t done that in a very long while,
I don’t remember how it feels like,
I’ve been feeling empty for the longest time,
I’m not sure if it’s just a feeling anymore.

I’m stuck, stuck in an endless cycle of nothing,
I don’t remember any feeling, good or bad,
And I’ve grown used to this emptiness,
I’d say I’m addicted to my emptiness.
I’m not lonely, because lonely is a feeling,
I’m not sad, I don’t even remember it,
I’m not happy, because right now,
I can feel something, I feel confused.

I saw her today, I saw my ‘woman’ today,
I saw the woman I’ll always want for me,
I saw the woman I swore my life to,
The woman I’d given up everything for,
The woman I’d give up everything for, again,
The reason I don’t regret my sacrifices,
And though I saw my world from a distance,
I still saw her, and I’m happily confused. Not.

I saw her, I really did see my malyshka today,
And like a whirlwind my thoughts scattered away,
Something that could only happen with her.
I saw the very reason I began feeling empty,
So now I feel confused, I got mixed emotions,
My heart fluttered at the sight of her today,
My emotions were overwhelming today,
And my brain, still cursed me for feeling again.

I’m scared, I don’t wanna feel again,
Eventually I’d get hurt again, betrayed even.
I don’t want to be happy again,
Because happiness leaves eventually.
I don’t wanna be sad, I can’t be sad,
Because depression gave me nothing.
I don’t want to feel anything,
Because I’m addicted to my loneliness.

She also saw me too today, but for her,
I was just another figure in the damn crowd.
She had given me a purpose in life,
She had made me beautiful promises,
She had written me beautiful vows,
She even swore to live it through with me.
And I fell in love with her, lived for her,
I adored every bit of her, flaws and all.

But like they always do and blame life,
She left, with all that I ever believed in,
She took my love, my trust, my heart,
She mercilessly took everything with her,
And without so much as looking back,
She went with it all, and now,
Now I’m just a shell in the shadows.