Permission to Live

Am I allowed to be sad, have low moods, curl up in bed and sob for a reason that is beyond me? Am I allowed to lazy around without feeling guilty? To watch my to do list grow exponentially while my done list remains beautifully empty? Be all the above without fearing that I’m sick or forcing myself to be happy? Am I allowed to be sick and feel weak without having to get over it and acting strong?

Am I allowed to eat all that I can get my hands on without worrying about my waistline or being asked to mind my weight? Am I allowed to be vegetarian, eat less, and mind my meals without being accused of fear of growing fat?
Am I allowed to snob those people in that group over there because I don’t feel like saying hi without being seen as antisocial or rude? Am I allowed to type my opinion or post a picture of myself without fearing the internet trolls? Am I allowed to be opinionated without being called a hater?
Am I allowed to cry because of my spilt milk without being called a cry baby? Am I allowed to get mad at that homophobic post without being termed as sensitive? Am I allowed to care too much about my friends and swoop in to help out that stranger in distress without being accused of sticking my nose in other people’s business? Am I allowed to stand up for myself and fight without being termed an aggressive woman, who wants to be a man?

Am I allowed to listen to emotional songs about love without being called a weak man? Am I allowed to cry in front of people, women or even my girlfriend without being called a disappointment to the male species? Am I allowed to drink without being called a drunkard? To smoke without being threatened to be taken to a rehab? (I am not encouraging alcohol and substance use)
Am I allowed to want to get back with my ex without being accused of refusing to let go of the past and only wanting what’s comfortable? Am I allowed to dress in a short skirt, crop top, or even a bralle and shorts without being accused of wanting male attention or being a hoe? Am I allowed to wear pink, skinny jeans and generally look good and clean without being called a feminine male or even gay? Am I allowed to fall in love with another man and hope to build a family with him without being seen as a curse who deserves death?
Am I allowed to love many girls and have consensual sex with them without being called a fuckboy or accused of destroying girl’s lives? Am I allowed to type sex without being called explicit or being accused of encouraging immoral behaviour? Am I allowed to carry my third pregnancy without being accused of being too easy? Am I allowed to break up with my girlfriend whom I’ve dated for less than a month without being taunted commitment phobic?

Am I allowed to wake up late in the day without being called lazy? Or staying up late without being called unnatural? Am I allowed to be selective when job hunting without being termed too proud and lazy to work? Am I allowed to quit my unsatisfying job with the meagre salary and long list of duties without feeling like a failure or being the person who always quits? Am I allowed to see the loopholes in a plan without being accused of being a pessimist? Am I allowed to be involved in many tasks without being accused of dreaming too big? Am I allowed to dream big?
Am I allowed to stick to my values without being asked to let loose and live a little? Am I allowed to love God with all I have and talk about Him always without being told I’m trying too hard or that I’ll change in no time? Am I allowed to not go to church or to not be religious without being called a kafiri?

Am I allowed to be the same day in day out? Am I allowed to be me? Why do I even need to ask for permission to cry, be sad and embrace what is natural for me? Why do I have to feel this guilty for being me? Will they ever accept me? Will I always have to fit in? Will I always have to pretend to be someone I’m not so as to keep the peace, to avoid conflict and gain their acceptance? Will I ever accept me enough to ignore the comments in my head and those around me and live the life I want for me? Will I ever get answers to all these questions??????
By Kness.