GOODBYE

Hey,
To whoever may read this, it wasn’t supposed to end like this. I was to finish school, get a good job maybe start a family. Those were my hopes and dreams.
But they were never to happen. The darkness came and it started eating me alive. I couldn’t outrun it, I couldn’t hide. It would find me wherever I went, no matter what I did. Sometimes, I would wake up in the morning and no matter how bright the sun would shine, it just couldn’t chase away the gloom in my soul. Some days, I had no energy to do anything. Nothing tasted right, nothing felt right, I couldn’t do anything right. Sleep was elusive yet I lay in bed day after day my thoughts scattered, my body listless.
I felt so alone yet I had many friends. I wanted to cry out for help but my voice died in my throat. For the few who could see beyond my ‘I’m ok’, I am grateful. It was never your fault that I couldn’t tell you what was really going on no matter how many times you asked.
So many times I tried to escape from this dark place yet I couldn’t. The cold seeped into me and froze me solid. Trying became too hard. It just became easier to let the darkness take over. I stopped feeling, I stopped laughing, I stopped enjoying life and I think… That’s when I stopped truly living. This life I was given, this routine I once loved, became a cage.
Thoughts of escaping this cage danced in my hazy mind more often and it became so much easier to consider my end. I would ask myself ‘how will I die?’, ‘which is the easiest way to do this? The most painless?’, ‘Do I leave a note do I not?’.
What you might not know is that at this final moment, it takes guts or a healthy dose of desperation to jump of that cliff, to swallow those pills or to pull this trigger… And I’d like to think I’ve got guts.
My time has run out, and… I say goodbye.

Gihihi?