Every time I wore a smile
Every time I said I was okay
I hoped you’ll read through the pretense
I hoped you’ll hear the loud wails in the silence
I hoped you’ll see my heart was wrecking
I waited for a hand to haul me from the crater I had plunged
I waited for a cushion to break my stumble
I waited for a tissue to wipe my invisible tears
I waited for my heart to be pieced together
For there is Beauty in disfigurement
But none ensued
I was left to lose out on the battles fought lone, unaided
I was left to drown in the unabated sorrows
I was left to clutch at nothing
I was left to float into the chilly gloom and be gone
My heart ached for so long
Till ache was all I knew
Till ache was all my feeble mind could grasp
My psyche kept crumbling
Over the nights I kept awake
Over the lonesomeness
Over the deprivation built over time
I was like a door mat
For everyone in my life dusted their feet over and left
I was a tissue to be used and discarded
I was just a name
The person that stood behind was nothing
I’ve contemplated ways to have it all disappear
And I’m darn right this ain’t the way
I hope someone bursts through the door
And stops me from this outrageous intent
When that happens
I’ll be eternally grateful
Because whoever you are
You’d have saved my life
I love to live
I love to matter.
Muzamir
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