TOXIC

You know the funny thing about toxic relationships? You know it’s poisonous for you but you still go back… Again and again and again.
See, I’m here sitting in a parking lot of a hospital watching my sister and her ‘man’, a term I use very loosely. I take a quick snaps of them as I watch him guide her to his car. Before you judge me for my stalker-ish behavior, hear me out.
Even from this distance, I can see the caked make up on her face. She has a cast on her left arm. Her body language is that of a wary animal… Afraid that one wrong move and they’ll get beaten or starved. Which is what happened to her… I don’t know about the starved part but for the beaten part… Well… He’s acting so very concerned over her as if he forgets that he’s the cause of that cast. It sickens me.
I watch them drive away and I recall the many tearful calls at unholy hours of the night, when she was bruised, beaten and bleeding. Yet here she is… I told her to drop him like a bad habit, to forget about him, though I’d said this with a lot more emotion and a whole lot of dire threats to this man. I warned her, he’d hurt her, and in a fit of rage maybe kill her.
She said she’d offended him, a small argument. That he had a short temper and a blacker rage, that it was an accident. That there won’t be a next time. She said that he’d apologized for hitting her and that he’d never do it again. A few days later, back to the ER. I once asked her why she stayed through it all, why she defended such a monster. She told me that monsters also need to be loved and that love endured all.
When I looked at the guy, I realized how she could fall for him and not want to leave. Charming, smooth tongue and even sweeter words. He had my sister twisted around his fingers and had sunk his claws into her. I knew then, that I could only do damage control. The choice to leave had to come from her no matter how badly I wanted to help.
It’s unfortunate that many, many victims either are afraid or refuse to accept a helping hand. Many fear their tormentors, which is a valid concern but that fear feeds the cycle of abuse and manipulation which they are trapped in. They fear the ‘after’. They fear the repercussions of their choices. Even worse, in some cultures, abuse is seen as the norm. Furthermore, speaking up is frowned upon and the abusers are defended and lauded for exerting their ‘authority’ . Loving someone is never an excuse or reason for violence. Violence needs to stop for it won’t solve anything. It will just cause fear and hate that will breed a vicious cycle. A cycle that will slowly destroy the unfortunate souls trapped in it.

Gihihi?