Recovery from addiction….based on a true story.
It is a journey that is easy to start and get into but hell coming out. I recall the days I went to rehab and later escaped. My family suffered for my wild actions. Mum’s blood pressure shot and almost succumbed to it.
Somehow I had stumbled into this stuff and weirdly, I liked it. All a result of the unabted pressure from my peers who kept pestering me to give it a try till I couldn’t resist any longer, I lay down to their demands. I wasn’t a person who’d have fallen for such kinda stuff but what can I say, life hits hard and those storms can at times be unbearable.
Growing up in a wealthy family I’d get whatever thing I asked. In a flash everything changed when Dad one day decided to walk out on mum, he started seeing and going out with a bunch of other women. Mum with great ache stepped up, she struggled all alone to make ends meet. We had to move and live in poor rentals in the suburbs. Something I acted bratty about. My schooling life from then depended heavily on sponsorship and donations from well wishers. Hurtfully dad was always my favourite, don’t get me wrong I loved both my parents but for those of you who understand biology and psychology there’s that bond between a daughter and father.
I joined campus and luckily my uncle in the United States seeing how bright I was promised to cover my campus tuition. For side income, I did Laundry for other students since I couldn’t call back home. As you might be familiar with campus life, it goes unmentioned I was a church girl except weekends were “fundays” ..Those of you who can relate know what I’m talking about. I loved going out with friends and little by little taking some makalis and Kenya cane. Then I tasted all stuff from guarana the juice for starters to the wines and beers, name them. Going to the utmost extreme, I started smoking weed. Ironically, it was rather amazing, amazingly wrong. It offered me a quick escape from my awful reality I could forget all my problems for a whole day, sleep peacefully during nighttime.
My boyfriend was the ring leader so we spent time drinking and making out..in my second year I lost control, began being careless but let me tell you I was good in my classes. I still find it very unbelievable. I loved art I could write like crazy when I was high. It was beautiful I tried calling dad on several accounts to remind him how much we missed him but when the line went through, he hastened to hang up on me, he then texted “I don’t know whose daughter you are, you, your mother and those illegitimate kids can rot in hell, am sick of you and am no longer your father”. Seriously it was just too much I was getting tired. Challenges kept knocking on my front door, one after another. Back home mum fell sick, and I was forced to work hook and crook to raise her medical bills. I recall doing unimaginable things. What a life?!
I went on with drugs and life in campus was fun coz I had the freedom to do all this away from home. I was used to bad news, so this weekend after hangovers on a Sunday I got headache and nauseated,, no meals no appetite and adding weight. I was on contraceptives but that night I don’t recall how it went at my boyfies place. So after checkup I was pregnant. I was in a shock I almost committed suicide. My boyfriend had a side chic behind my back and that could be solved with some liquor but you know what getting pregnant was a real burden and I thought of it as a curse. I kept smoking and going into drugs,, I didnt want to think about it. I had STD’S and my boyfriend was a medic so I was lucky to get drugs to keep the infections at bay. From the news they seemed a total shock to my lover so he adviced we could terminate it. The first trimester was sweet sometimes I enjoyed rubbing my belly. But my sweet medic of a boyfie insisted for a termination at 4 months. I had no option I mean be in my shoes how the hell could I even raise a kid my life was a mess and I was an addict.
After the termination I felt completely lost, felt guilty, felt I was at trapped in between a rock. The procedure was short, but the scars it left behind were unfathomable. My feeble mind broke down. To this date I miss the little angel, I know the society will judge me harshly for I’ve done. It was a rushed decision, and I could turn back the clock, perhaps I’d take a different course.
Life was terrible throughout my third year. I tried to get back to church but my friends and everything that had happened pushed me back to my infamous life.. I wanted to quit, to make right my ways but the withdrawal were too much to bear, to fight. So I went on.
My boyfriend felt like an icy cold darkness creeping and shrouding me. He was my single worst mistake. I recall crying till I couldn’t anymore. Our relationship was ever on rocks and before I knew it he had a side chic. He made more time for her and pushed me away when I tried to inquire if were true. I become tired of fighting for our dying relationship so parting was the ultimate option. I started confiding in masturbation and pornography as a source of pleasure. My life was a total mess.
I believe that in every dark past there are rays of hope in a future we are all uncertain of. Yes life is hard and storms will be there. Regardless of what life throws at us..There is always a way. I got too much into drugs until they became my everything but I was getting so tired of everything.
Its funny that even the things we value most in life can become totally meaningless. I kept taking drugs, little by little I got sick of then but I still went on. I once met this childhood sweetheart of mine and we went out for coffee after bumping to him in town during one of my pointless walks. We had a 5 hour chat I was so sober this day and I had wanted to have a bottle and some puff of marijuana that evening. Though the talk took me back so back to the old memories, I wept bitterly he reminded me of how bold I was of a future I wanted to ruin because of my storm. We kept meeting after words and I found out that sharing with him helped me a lot.
There’s one thing he told me that has never left my mind to date that “you don’t overcome a storm by creating another instead try n dance in the rain and overcome the storm at hand as u await the sun”..that statement helped me a lot. I knew I was all messed up n it seemed too late but little by little I reduced my consumption for alcohol and weeding. I joined a mentorship club in my fourth year I could smoke once a week. I began taking more time writing n participating n mentorship classes . there were so many addicts there like me. We were thought about the power of a changed mind. Something the really helped me, we could go hiking in NGO ng hills taking a long juices sodas and bread. I got to find people sharing more terrible stories than mine. Others were even orphans n street born and successful. I realized that I couldn’t confide in drugs anymore coz I took much time and my life was wasting away. I joined cu for the fact that God could restore Me back and forgive me my sins. And it took time honestly but I was ready to start over despite the fact that I couldn’t get over drugs but I learned to control my thoughts and take it easy. I made new friends, I spent time doing things that I loved and I was really good at them..we visited children’s homes and I got a chance to help those young ones. So full of dreams and I pictured myself and realized I was much better. After three months I was done with mentorship classes and I graduated and got a certificate award. I got much exposure, it was a wonderful experience. I know that quitting drugs couldn’t solve all my problems but I am happy that atleaast I wont have to create another storm in the midst of my current storm. I’d rather go to church and pray about my troubles and get involved into fellowships and things that could make me feel better than go back into doing drugs….@kerubosiko
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