What Was So Wrong With Me

For years, I trusted you,
I believed everything you said,
Maybe I was a dumbhead for that,
Maybe I should have tried to question it,
Maybe I could have stopped it all,
Maybe I could have been stronger,
But each time I showed up,
Each time I needed you, you left.

For years, I waited for you,
I thought you’d come back for me,
That maybe you’d change your mind,
And yet in all those years,
Even though you could have come,
Even though you could have shown up,
You never did show up,
No matter how desperate I was.

For years, you never came,
And even when you did,
You never cared enough,
To ask about me or mine,
To check on me or anything,
You kept your distance,
Showing up when it was convenient,
Only when you needed me.

I loved you wholly,
I chose you each time,
I was there for you, always,
I never expected anything from you,
And yet the only time I needed you,
The one time I was calling for you,
You treated my voice like a common echo,
In the hollows you had created in me.

For years, I wanted to hate you,
I needed to hate you so bad,
Because maybe then I would understand,
Why it was so hard for you to love me,
Why you couldn’t come for me,
When each time you showed up for them,
I had so much hope, and yet each time,
You snuffed the little hope away.

What was so bad about me,
That you couldn’t even spare the time?
That you broke me each time?
That you hated me heartily?
All I wanted was love, to feel it even once,
I wished for you to listen to my pain,
But each time, you ignored me, nana,
What was so wrong with me?