Insufficiency

I tend to feel regret from his touch,
Maybe it’s my illusion,
Or my regret is immense,
But His words still remain gentle.

He is still the man I know,
Situations haven’t changed his heart,
Consistency has been his language,
Still the same man.

My insufficiency drives to me guilt,
Perfect is not a life I can give,
My body denies me a perfect life,
Imperfect is what my body is.

But he doesn’t see my insufficiency,
Father is name I can’t bring to him,
Not by choice,
But a broken body takes the choice away.

I don’t know how to admit it,
Admit that mom won’t be a name to hear,
I don’t know how to live with that,
Life has been a disappointment.

I want to share my emotions,
I want to say how I feel,
How infertility drains me.
How I want just more.

But I can’t say it out loud,
I can’t bring my fears out,
I’m afraid of the truth in me.
A truth buried deep in my body.