Broken Leader

Lead by example, that is what they taught us,
Leaders are strong, leaders don’t break,
Words scrapped into our minds,
Words inscribed in our hearts.

My lips have forgotten to say some words,
Weakness, broken, tired, giving up,
Words I only get to hear and not to say,
I have buried the words somewhere in me.

Once in a while I visit the graveside,
I mourn my Chance to say help,
To say I am sad, scared, lost.
I can only say these words in my own world.

I have grown feeble, not physically feeble,
But emotionally and mentally feeble,
My title denies me a chance to say weak,
My title demands me to stand strong.

Everything is getting heavy,
My thoughts consume my strong costume,
My heart beats faster on some days,
Breathing gets harder on other days.

My desire is to scream all the pain out,
I want to yell it out,
Reap out the overwhelming side,
I want to be okay.

I want to speak my fears,
To wipe my tears,
And still be a leader.
But how does that work?

How does a leader say they are weak,
How do I say it’s hard to leave my bed,
If only it was easy to say all my thoughts,
If only my title made them see a human too.

But I am a leader, strong is the example I choose,
For how long? I’m not sure.
Keeping it together is my goal.
Maybe I can hang on a little longer.