A River Of Tears

I cry about how much pain was necessary
To grow into who I am today
I cry because I wish the world had been gentler
I cry because I know there was no other way

I cry about the younger me
I cry about how she went unseen
I cry because the only one she needed to see her
Was desperately pleading acknowledgment
From people who would call her a slur

I cry because I loved you
I cry because I still do
And because although I wish I could
I cannot bring myself to hate you
Even though I probably should

I abandoned myself to find you
I cry about that too
We had both set out to rescue you
A task only fit for one person
And that person was never meant to be me

I cry because I have to
To let all this hurt go
Cause I fear its slowly killing me
Almost as subtly as you did
When you faded out of view
And left me to grieve
A version of you I thought I knew

I cry because I’m broken
And I’m hoping all these tears
Seep into each and every crack
And hold me together
The way I wish you would have

So, I’ll use them as a substitute
And pray you change your mind
That you somehow realize that love you need
It is only in me you will find.