You Were My Mother Too!

You look at me and hate who I am,
As if you didn’t make me into this shell,
Like you weren’t the one who hurt me the most,
Like you didn’t break me over and over,
Just because you could do it freely and proudly,
Just because I would never fight back,
When all you had to do was be my mother,
And instead, you became my greatest tormentor.

All you could have done was love me,
Hold me, like you held my siblings,
Cheered for me, like you did for them,
Cared for me, like you cared for the strangers,
Loved me, like you loved being praised,
Held me, when I got hurt like them,
But all you did was ruin me terribly,
And now you blame me for your mistakes.

You said I was your greatest mistake,
The child you never wanted to have,
The one that should have died back then,
The reason you stayed in a loveless marriage,
And yet somehow you had other children,
And you still blame me for their births,
Like I was the adult between us two,
You were my mother too, Mom, so why?

Each day with you, is a hell worse than society,
I love you, and I hate that I love you,
What can I do, when all I ever did was love you,
Even when you hated me with all you had?
Even when you hurt me more than society?
Even when you made certain to break me daily?
Should I have hated you like you hated me?
Was it still my fault that I loved you, Mom?

There were days when I wanted to disappear,
When you hurt me too much I wanted to leave,
But how could I even think of leaving,
When you were my greatest love, Mom?
How could I even love myself, when you didn’t?
What was I to love when I wasn’t even worthy,
Of being loved by the mother who birthed me?
I was a child, and you were my mother too.

Now the sun shines and I hate it,
I tried to make it set on me more than once,
And yet all I had in mind was your tears,
The apparent emptiness you’d feel if I left,
How you’d blame yourself in front of the masses,
Only to laugh at my weakness in private,
Reminding them of how I was unworthy,
But Mom, you were my mother too, so why?