There’s Something About Darkness

They desired the bread and onions in Egypt
I keep going back for the love and attention
Forgetting the slavery and bondage for years
I keep forgetting how you trigger me, continuously

How in my utmost need for you to be in my corner
You let me down, gradually, and laugh about it
Making me doubt my sanity, my worth
For I know my pains are valid, and I’m not delusional

But I keep being drawn back to you
Back to the darkness, for there is something about darkness
That captivates one and soothes one
Making me think it’s normal. As I languish silently

And this power and force that keeps drawing me to you
Is poison. Killing me slowly. Taking, bit by bit
Breaking apart. In unequal measures
Leaving me empty. Dry bones. A shadow of self

But I keep coming back. I keep trying to stay
I keep trying to prove my love for you
I keep letting myself down. Over and over…
Because Egypt seems better than the desert ahead

Not realizing that until I’m ready to let us drown
Can I be truly free, from you and us
Yet freedom comes at a cost
A cost I’m not sure I’m ready to pay