I’m Fine (Not Fine)

Look at me, do I look whole?
Mom thinks I’m broken,
But I’m not just broken,
I’m also battered,
And I can’t fix myself.

Physically abused, I couldn’t shield myself,
I had no one to talk to.
Mom left without saying a word,
Dad became a monster overnight.
And slowly my mind became a world covered in darkness,
And the darkness is pain—I can’t escape it.

And regrets? They decorate every inch of my heart,
While my trust issues eat me alive.
I’m wallowing in pain, but no one can see it,
So when you ask me “How are you?”
I say “I’m fine.”

I’m fine (Not fine) with the constant overwhelming feeling of not being wanted,
I’m fine (Not fine) with the fact that I wake up with anxiety and depression by sides,
I’m fine (Not fine) that maybe one day, I’ll have to end this sadistic life of mine,
Before I become someone I don’t want to be.

But I hope that before then, someone genuinely asks—
“Are you really fine?”