I Like You Now; Mostly

I was not always kind to you,
I have wished you were different;
A bit rounder,
A bit softer,
I did not take pride in you.

It wasn’t always like this,
We soared once,
We believed we could and we did;
This was before the careless opinions,
Before others’ words started sinking into our psyche.

For so long I avoided mirrors and photographs;
Anything that would remind me of my shortcomings,
All the ways I wasn’t enough,
Anything that hinted at my lack;
Of flesh, of health.

“You are so skinny,”
“You don’t eat enough,”
“Oh, you’re a girl?”
“You are so tiny,”
“You don’t look your age.”

Harmless enough rhetoric,
Wouldn’t bat an eye if strangers said it;
When it’s family, it sticks,
Suddenly you see yourself differently,
You start to wish for a different body.

“I want to be a model.”
This was the shield I donned,
It seemed to work;
The scrutiny stalled,
But their words, like arrows, remained rooted.

It has not been easy,
How does one find beauty,
In what others deemed unworthy?
It has not been easy,
It’s been quite the journey.