School Over Home, Any Day

The bell for last period always rang early,
Or maybe I just hated the thought of leaving,
Because school was fun and safer for me,
It was where I lived the most and freely,
It was the one place life didn’t hurt as much,
Perhaps because I was a bright student they say,
But how would they know what that was,
When home was never once home for me?

Home meant a sad mother and a cruel papa,
A house that held so many emotions,
A house that hated hearing our sorrows,
A house that had papa beating mama endlessly,
A house that was always so cold and empty,
A house that had no soul other than ghosts,
But even the ghosts were kinder than papa,
Maybe that was why school was way better.

I still hear mama’s cries when it’s too silent,
The sound of bamboo hitting her back,
The sound of belts harshly striking her face,
The whimpers of my siblings in the corner,
The harsh voice Papa used on Mama back then,
And I hate that sound so much I’d go deaf,
I’d choose insanity over reliving those days,
The days that school won over home always.

School was safer, however empty it felt at times,
It was where freedom and love existed freely,
Where life didn’t feel like a prison camp,
But like butterflies who finally bloomed.
School felt like spring, when the flowers came,
Because it meant that there was nothing scary,
Maybe that was why I worked so hard at school,
When I couldn’t stand the thought of home.

The holidays were supposed to be kinder,
But they never really were any better than hell,
If anything, they were honestly worse for us all,
For us who couldn’t fight back or defend,
For us who didn’t know what to do at the time,
For us who were unfortunately, just children,
Stuck in a loveless home that knew nothing,
Of what happiness could feel like even once.

And now, years later, I think to myself,
Wondering if there was anything I’d have done,
When I lived in what felt like a warzone,
When my classmates ran home happily,
And I only ran home to avoid beatings,
Or to avoid what lingered in the darkness,
But never because home was worth going to,
Never because it was any better than school.