Words And Wounds I Never Healed From

I was a child,
Seeking the guidance and warmth,
That only a mother could give,
But all I got was the cold stare of religious fanatics.

You have always chosen,
What you thought was right for you, mother,
Even when you knew it wasn’t right for us.
Your fear of the unknown,
Clouds your mind so much,
That you ignore the known in front of you.

Distrust and betrayal,
Has made you a shadow of yourself.
Every point in my life,
That I desperately need you,
It becomes a competition,
Of whose tragedies are more insufferable?

I hate seeing you like this,
Hate hearing you repeat the same words every time.
How do I heal when you have refused to heal?
How do I move on, when all my life,
I have watched you being stuck at the same place,
The same mindset?

You said you’re doing it all for us,
For our future,
But what is the dire need of an unforeseen future,
When my present is so miserable without your warmth.

I call you my warmth,
But it’s cold of your heart,
That engulfs me and the beautiful family you created.

You were hurt,
I know, but you also hurt us too,
You hurt me, every word you say,
Feels like needles piercing through my skin.
How do I heal from your hurtful words?
If you don’t even know they are hurtful words?