Dear Mutuku

I get it now.
They say hindsight always gives you perfect vision, doesn’t it?
Now that I’m slightly older,
So many things make sense.

Father, it was never easy for you, was it?
You didn’t have any other option, right?
To keep working, keep functioning,
With no pat on the back.
To keep showing up even when you needed a break.

Life isn’t giving me a break either
To keep your feet firm on the ground,
Even if your feet couldn’t carry your weight, and ours too,
My own feet are unable to carry me sometimes too,
I now get it.

Why I would catch you talking to yourself.
I do that a lot these days
Why you would choose silence sometimes.
There is power in solitude
Why you would roar sometimes.
Anger messes up with my ph balance.

Why you worked and took it all without shedding a tear.
I cry sometimes
And how you’d rise next morning, defeated, broken,
Just like I do sometimes
But still turn up as strong and whole.
I’m getting the hang of it
That even when it felt like you were falling short,
Like I do sometimes
You exceeded expectations, silently.

I hope I do too
A year older today, twenty-six and sixty-five years,
You are my father.
And I your daughter
A father I didn’t choose,
A daughter you didn’t choose
But the best choice granted by the heavens.