Running From Connection

I had grown weary,
Of trying to be worthy,
I had to be my own friend,
I had to betray myself less;
In the name of keeping friends.

It was not easy,
Learning to be alone,
Embracing being alone,
It took many tears; many years,
For it to finally feel like home.

Friendships can be tedious;
I love my own company,
I have no fear of missing out,
I would rather be lonely on my own,
Than to clamor for hollow company.

Life humors us for a living,
Sometimes you find genuine companions,
Souls that both ground and uplift you,
Organically, you start to bloom;
Beautifully, magnificently.

But, as a creature of habit; you run
As far as you can,
You hide from your own heart,
Because you remember the hurt,
Of caring too much.