

There are days that I dare to dream otherwise,
Of what a home would be for me and mine,
Of how I would fill it up with so much love,
How I’d love protect them with my life,
How they’d fight for me and protect me too,
How we’d bloom in and out of the home,
How we’d be happy in spite of life’s truths,
I dream of home sometimes, a beautiful dream.
I grew up in a home that knew nothing of love,
One that was held close by the tatters of life,
A home where Mom was always on the right,
And Dad the snob who knew nothing of life,
A home where it all always ended in chaos,
Where all conversations ended up as fights,
A home where reality was more delusional,
Than the hopes and dreams we had as kids.
I grew up in home that hated life in a way,
One that reminded us that we were subjects,
One that haunted us for existing so freely,
A home that swallowed our tears frequently,
Where pillows were forever soaked in the night,
And on some days, the pillows would overflow,
Reminding us of what love would never be like,
And yet it was a home that held on so tightly.
I had a home in that overly broken home,
One that didn’t hurt as much as reality did,
A home that didn’t scare me into submission,
One that didn’t threaten my sanity as much,
But I was delusional, and I knew it always,
Perhaps that was why I felt safer in that home,
Because my delusions were happier than truths,
And were comforting as if they were real.
Just like that, my delusions became a reality,
Or perhaps delusions still, seeing where I am,
Seeing how I’m stuck in that toxic cycle,
The hell that was brewed for me back then,
A hell that materializes into endless mazes,
A hell that doesn’t care about what hurts,
Perhaps that’s why I keep trying to dream,
Desperate for a home that won’t hurt anymore.
I dream of home sometimes it gets scary,
Because what if it all just remains a dream?
What if all of this is just what dooms me?
What about the times that I’d want home?
When home is not something I can access?
I tell myself it’s okay to dream sometimes,
But even I know that maybe this illusion,
Is the best version of home I can ever get.
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