No One Was Ever Going To Come

Alone. I had always been like that even then,
Shattered and ruined by those who swore love,
Broken by that which I dared to love more,
Yet even with the pain, I never stopped,
Because how could I, when I was the anchor,
The one that kept everyone together regardless,
The one that had to fight tooth and nail to save,
And still ended up the one treated the harshest?

No one was ever coming to save me,
I knew that, before I knew how to talk,
Or maybe I learned it even better with time,
And the years reminded me just harshly,
Like it meant nothing to be the good daughter,
To be the child who was ambitious and hopeful,
I used to think it was worth something for them,
But at the end of the day, I was just a trophy.

I was the one they cheered for when appropriate,
But only because there were eyes on them,
And they couldn’t afford to screw up anymore,
The one they had to remember at gatherings,
Where adults talked of their brightest,
Never when people talked of their favorites,
Perhaps because it never mattered to them,
And I was just another reminder of failed love.

I used to think I was the problem back then,
And even to this day, sometimes I regress,
When the thoughts are so loud, I can’t focus,
When the loneliness hits so hard I can’t breathe,
When I can’t call anyone for help even then,
‘Cause everyone will be busy with other things,
Until it is my turn to be busy with surviving,
And they’ll need me to fix things, what a pity.

Maybe I am still regressing at this age,
But what can I do, when I am still stuck,
When I never got a chance to be a child,
When I am trying to heal and it hurts so bad,
So, my anger is what they see when they come,
And still don’t understand that I had to be this,
Because they were never there for me like I am,
Perhaps I was to be their strength, never mine.

Do you ever think you’re too hard on me?
Or maybe I’m asking the wrong question again?
Or should I ask about how your days were,
How the sun shone brighter on your faces?
Or perhaps how the weather was kinder to you,
When you could never be kinder to me,
When all you see is a people pleasing tool,
One you don’t need to show up for? Do you?