What If You Never Left, Papa?

You left… Without saying a word, you left.
You didn’t care what would happen to me,
You didn’t bother to think of me, not once,
You didn’t ask if I wanted you to leave,
Or maybe if I wanted to come along with you,
But you didn’t care enough to ask any of that,
Instead, like it was so easy for you to leave,
You just left, papa, and I hate you for it.

You left me at the hands of a mother so cruel,
A mother who hated everything reminded her of,
One who despised you so much she hurt me,
One who hated my breaths like she wasn’t mine,
One who was always angry at me for nothing,
One who didn’t care how badly she hurt me,
A stranger who swore she would never love me,
You left me at her hands, to call ‘Ma,’ papa.

You left me to endure a pain I knew nothing of,
To suffer for things that weren’t my fault,
To be blamed each time she remembered you,
You left me with siblings that despised me so,
Siblings that never wanted me around them,
You left me with them so you could be free,
When all I wanted was my papa; my father,
But you left, papa; you left only to come back.

Now you stand there and see a broken daughter,
You see a stranger with your daughter’s name,
A stranger so quick to anger and always raging,
A stranger who doesn’t know you anymore,
A stranger who doesn’t care to breathe and live,
A stranger who is so strange even to herself,
But this was all your doing, you abandoned me,
You left me in the hands of strangers for family.

You ask me why I don’t care to look at you,
You ask me why I’m so indifferent to you,
Why I am so broken beyond repair, papa,
Why my siblings love you more than I do,
Why they smile brighter than I used to with you,
But you don’t get to stand and ask, pa; you left,
You were supposed to protect me from monsters,
Yet all you did was ruin me like it was okay to.

But what if you never left, only to come, papa?
What if you stayed and became my father?
What if you loved me like you loved them?
What if you stood up for me and didn’t leave?
What if I was not just another kid for you then?
What if you just chose me, even once, papa?
Would I have been happier with your family?
Would I have still grown up with so much hate?