The Winds Keep Blowing

Tears. Snort. A blank mind,
Tired, tried, tested, failed,
In this abyss of nothingness.

That holds me and tells me,
That no matter how hard I try,
It’s not good or hard enough,
So quit trying already.

Be this. Walk like this. Change,
Don’t smile too much. Act tough,
You’re weak. You’re a pushover,
Forced to fit into this shoe,
Drained, left only a shadow,
Slaving after vanity.

With no one to run to,
To embrace the sadness away,
To dry the never-ending tears,
To fill up the hollow and empty me,
The singularity, the loneliness,
Leading to the acceptance,
That I have lost myself.

It’s all chasing after the wind,
The performance, the trying, the toil,
To be accepted, to be part of something,
Only to languish at the end of the day,
Gasping for clean air.

To my masks falling off,
Breaking in the silence of the night,
Defeated, wounded.

Weeping for who I was at the beginning,
The me I can’t get back to,
The parts of me I can’t reclaim,
And the parts of me I keep losing,
With no pats on the back,

I haven’t longed for permanence like this,
Permanent silence, a true break,
Hope. Ease. Functionality. Flow.

God, give me life,
I’m sure this isn’t living.