PHOENIX

Yesterday I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I went to my Mama’s grave. It’s all grass and bushes right now. The headstone is the only alert of somebody’s resting place. No worries though, I asked someone to clean the place up. Next time I shall come with flowers.

Yesterday, I had to watch my wife cry for me, for everything that happened. She’s a beauty. She makes me happy, she is sweet. She is innocent. It’s been three years since we made the choice to commit. It’s been six years since I met her and since I blocked Annabeth and changed contacts. But really, Anabeth was never the problem. I was. But I wasn’t the entire problem. It’s everything that surrounded my childhood. And now I know it’s not my fault. But again, it’s no one’s. Everyone is a victim of heir circumstances. Mine just weren’t good.

I know many say we make a choice to be sad or happy. But I had no choice. I had no exit. And that’s okay. There’s still those hard grey days. Those days when nothing feels like it should. When home is just a house. When the food is blame. But they pass. Those days pass. And when they do, we celebrate.

If I could, I’d paint a picture of everything I feel. And you know what it’d be, it would be a great Phoenix. One that’s just risem from the flames. One that’s come up with the strength o old but refreshed by the new beginning.

My father sits outside with Ella, my baby girl. She’s a ray of sunshine that one. Ella makes me thank my parents. They taught me in their own terrible way how not to be a bad parent. How not to make your child miserable. Most of all, they taught me how not to allow anyone to steal my life.

Power. That’s the driving force. If you keep your power, you can rise. You can ride every storm. And that’s a journey you must undertake alone. And everything you need is you. You got this love. Be your own Phoenix.