MY REDEMPTION

By Najel Otieno

My strength is gone.All gone.Every limb of my life is broken.There’s no recovery.I can’t go back.For me,it’s impossible to make anything right.The power to completely destroy or mend was in her hands.It’s sad that she chose to trash it away as if it was nothing.

In my love story,I am Romeo.Unfortunately,my Juliet isn’t William Shakespeare’s Juliet. My weight refutes buoyancy and as I get drenched in my salvation or as someone else would put it,my escape,I feel the numbing cold eat through my skin.For the past days,only images of her face have been flashing in my mind.

Today,being the last,complete episodes of how it started start to play in my head incessantly.That day.The day of days. When my eyes first landed a glance on her conspicuous beauty,I knew she was the one.That evening I had gone to my favorite bar,West End,to relieve the day’s stress.Four bottles of beer lay on my table and at this time,two were empty.Though the two bottles whose contents I had emptied down my throat had started to have an intoxicating effect on me,the intoxication of my love for her would take roots from that day onwards.It was love at first sight.I took the bold step and marched towards the table of three ladies,my eyes fixed on the one.The only one whose beauty sparked passion in me.You would say that the presence of the other two ladies would be intimidating,but honestly,my eyes did not see them until she has dialed her phone number on my dial pad.That was the beginning. It’s like we had had a mutual interest because for the rest of the night,she didn’t stop laughing even to my most stupid joke.I had hit a jackpot.At around 1 o’clock in the morning,the fun had reached a crescendo.It was up notch and nowhere below the peak.By this time,her friends had already left.It was just Brendah and I.Out of the blues,she suggested we book a room.Her reason,it was pretty late and thus it wouldn’t be safe for her to go home at that time.She added that it wouldn’t hurt to spend the night with a sweet stranger like me.That statement,was the tip of the iceberg. I booked the room and in we went.I inserted the key on the door’s lock,turned it clockwise till I was certain the door was locked behind us.We had each other To ourselves.The room was dimly lit.The night felt perfect amongst the many that had passed.Outside the window,the sky colluded with a deadening silence to envelop the moment with utmost serenity.Mother nature had provided us an idyll atmosphere.Just a few steps away,Brendah stood rooted to the ground,her gaze fixed on me.Her cheeks drifted apart letting out a beautiful smile.I moved closer and held her hands.My heart leaped with joy.Her beauty was nothing less than Aphrodite’s herself,the Greek goddess of beauty.Her delicate and tender cheeks strummed strings of passion in my heart singing a chorus that sounded like,”Please caress us.”Those dark,round and bewitching eyes stared at me with a wowing gentleness.They had spoken to me a language I couldn’t fail to understand.The language of wild romance. Putting my hands on her curvy waist,I felt shockwaves run down my entire body.My breath met with hers and a soul soothing warmth emenated from it.”You appear shaky,do you fear me?”She blurted out all of a sudden.”I don’t fear you,but having you this close makes me anxious since every second am tempted to intertwine my lips with yours,”I responded not to defend myself but counter her ego.Unexpectedly,she threw herself onto me,her body pressing hard against mine.I felt the fullness and hardness of her tender breasts press my chest.”I want you to explore my inner beauty,”she whispered in my left ear as she threw herself onto the bed. That had been our first night ever and as sure as the day follows the night,my exploration of her inner beauty had marked the onset of our affair.It has now been close to eight months since we started dating.We have had ups and downs,the inevitability of any relationship.Unfortunately,things fell apart with the letter she sent me.Like pieces of a million pieces of shattered glass,my heart felt the same.An undesirable feeling of loneliness stalked my very existence like a young lost leopard.The many times I had to ascertain that it was a reality and not a mirage,her short and brief words struck me like a bolt of thunder,making me question the validity of her love and her feelings for me……The letter read,,,,,”Hello Josh!The last eight months have been the sweetest dream I have ever had.A dream that made me feel whole again.It is sad that I have to wake up into my reality,a reality that I tried to run away from.I know deep down that I still want to dream,but I can’t.Though our meeting was crooked,my life with you thereafter was never crooked.I know you have a plan or rather a dream to one day get down on one knee and expect me to be yours for life.Sadly,am afraid that day wouldn’t see the light of day since I had already walked down the aisle once and vowed to be there for another man for better for worse.Though I broke my vows since I met you at my worst of times when my marriage seemed to have fallen between a rock and a hard surface,your affection and love moulded me greatly.There’s a child who calls me mother.I know this’s hard for you but I don’t want you to ever look for me.My phone is no longer reachable.We will never again meet at will.I beseech you to please allow me build my home.I hope and pray that you get a woman who deserves you and who will love you.This letter breaks my heart,but undoubtedly it’ll crush you.Goodbye Josh,till we meet again.Brendah!” True to Brendah’s words,this letter has crushed me.I feel tears are flowing down my eyes as I come back to the reality.I look around and everything is blurred.I only see the air bubbles rush to the surface from my nose.I close my eyes,freedom from agony befalls me.One day,they’ll find me.The unfeeling me,the unloving me,the me who wouldn’t smile again,the me who wouldn’t laugh again.Then,they will know what to do,for I won’t be able to do anyhthing.I called the shots this time,she didn’t do it for me.Till we meet again Mi Amor(my love),I loved you!!