Some nightmares need stay nightmares,
For living them is the worst experience.
Maybe it’s better to live the nightmares,
That you have experienced in your sleep,
Than those you haven’t experienced or seen.
And today is one such terrible nightmare.
I’m a mess of emotions and everything,
The kingdom depends on me, but I’m lost.
Loss. I’m lost. I lost. Everything is lost.
It’s terrible, and now I have an idea how.
Now I know how it feels to lose all of it,
And I wouldn’t wish it for my worst enemy.
I’m not even sure if I’m still in bed dreaming,
I would so wish for papa to wake me up.
But reality is rough. He is gone. No more.
It’s all too much but I can’t shed a tear.
Trust. He used to trust me, or made me believe.
All of it is gone and I’m not sure of anything,
Not anymore with him, who is supposed to be mine.
He is my love but he looks at me emotionlessly.
And even with his anger, I’m still lost in his eyes,
I can’t help but smile at him and keep hoping.
I’m still hoping it’s just his twisted sense of humor.
That somehow after all this he will laugh at my reaction.
I’m very wrong. Wrong in all absoluteness.
For the first time I feel like I don’t know him anymore,
This is the part of him that he never let me see.
I want to pinch myself though it’s impossible,
My whole being is numb yet I still have hope,
For what? I have no idea and I’m going crazy thinking.
I feel angry and I want to scream and lash at him,
But somehow I’m sure he won’t hesitate to kill me.
Today is supposed to be my happy day, our happy day.
Yet he doesn’t look my way, after breaking my heart,
And overthrowing my rule, this hot and sexy coward.
But I know I’m a tough nut to crack and a good warrior,
Not even the worst heartbreak, can kill my fighting spirit.
Before I can make a move, I’m shackled, a prisoner of war,
A war that he declared on me based on speculations,
The speculations that finally rip off the band aid. Loathed.
He accuses me of murder and infidelity,
Because he saw me with a sword that had blood,
Standing next his late mother. I am innocent, I want to say,
But I can’t, because I know just how guilty I looked then,
But I tried. He would have trusted me, had he not found me,
With the one he accuses me of infidelity with. Lucky me.
He looks at me with absolute hate. How do I explain my innocence?
When my love has me in shackles and to the dungeons?
So I’m forced to tell the universe to pass my message,
My special message to destiny and fate. That I’m hopeful,
My reality will get better soon, that my people and kingdom,
Won’t have to pay for my supposed sins but be happy.
And I admit I failed, in love, in reality, and in power. I lost.
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