PLAYBACK??

The chilly Sunday morning had my brain unorderly,
Struggling with my subconscious on what to do,
Contemplating on whether to go to church or skip,
And later on stayed in bed, deciding against church.
I kept myself poorly consoled, hoping many were like me,
And that the Almighty would understand it was the cold.
I knew someday I would run out of excuses, but until then,
My blankets were solace from the unyielding pain that awaited me.

I watched you close in, with a goofy smile on my face,
More than just ready to cuddle, my senses overwhelmed.
But you had that bored, cold and expressionless face,
The one that you gave everyone you had no time for.
I was taken aback for a moment, but regained composure,
Knowing everything was okay, I hadn’t messed up again,
So I knew I was out of trouble, everything had to be okay.
But your words hurt more that the cold I was out in.

The words that were spoken with absolute conviction,
Like they had taken a long while being rehearsed,
Arrows to my heart they shot, just not the cupid kind.
And with the target hit, I felt it break into pieces,
Slowly and painfully my heart tore without a sound,
All I heard was one of the loudest silence ever in my life,
Took me just long enough to realize I was too close to the dark,
But I had to will myself to listen to you rant out. Shattered.

I’m not ready for us y’know, I never was anyways,
But we can still be friends, won’t take you much ayt?
I promise and can swear that it’s always been you,
Only that I need to prioritize my career first. Lame.
I hope you find happiness, even if it’s not with me.
That is what you said to me almost 29 months ago,
When you thought we were going too fast, the irony.
After being together for 48 days, long enough for you.

You wanted space, away from me, and I was okay with it,
Because every single person needs space once in a while,
Only that you never wanted to be with me, I felt used.
You wanted a life that did not involve me, to be with another,
Yet you were too scared to tell it to my face, coward.
So you left me to think of the many reasons why I wasn’t enough,
And even then, you played with me as if I were a joke,
And I still loved you despite the painstaking recovery process.

So now you are back, and for what? Hopefully not me,
I wonder why you left her too, wasn’t she enough for you?
Just like I never was, or maybe you’re the inadequate one.
There’s so many things my subconscious want to do to you,
But I have to remember to hold back. No more playbacks.
You come here looking all sharp, with claims that deafen,
Funny how you just want to pick up from where you left,
As if life itself put my pain and heartbreak on hold. Scram.