If someone told me my pockets would mess me up,
Then I would have mended them beforehand.
My back’s aching and it’s not even midnight yet.
I keep tossing and turning, my stomach rumbling,
And each time, my head hits the wall so hard,
But its okay, this feels better than being alone.
Maybe if I hit it hard I would get some peace,
For an hour or so, before my thoughts wake me.
I can’t sleep and it’s not because of my tests,
The upcoming determinant end semester exams,
I’m ready for them, besides they always come and go,
But the price of my solitude, is very expensive.
My brain is a mess from thinking too much,
That I’m starting to think that my brain is swollen.
My thoughts have become my terrorizers,
And I just wish they would go away for a minute.
My heart aches so much and I’m helpless,
For no amount of pain killers can take it away,
I can’t numb my pain even if I wanted to,
Because somehow the pain gives me peace,
I’m messed up, and not even my kind heart,
Can take away the crushing reality of her rejection,
And having to watch her go with him, for money.
But all I want is my life back, before I lusted her.
My life before lust was very okay, determined.
All I had to worry about was acing my grad studies,
So I would finally get to live a better life,
A life that did not involve loan dependence,
Or government subsidiaries. Independence.
I had my life all planned out to the end,
But it all came down when she entered my life,
And became my focus and obsession.
I lived for her, I laughed with her, cried with her,
Listened to her, I loved her with all of me.
She had become my main purpose in life,
I stupidly skipped classes to be with her,
I did it all for her, all of it, without a pause.
Everything my pockets could not account for,
I treated her well, despite being a student like her.
But she left me, after all that, and took my sanity.
She left me for him whose pockets were always full,
Him who could take her to Poa place anytime,
Who did not have to ask her for change,
Who got her designer clothes, he was a student too.
But I gave her all I had, and she still left me anyways,
So my pockets doomed my love life. Stupid silver spoons.
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