I know I’m never going to be good enough for you,
That I’m always going to come second, always,
That it doesn’t matter and whatever happens,
I’ll always be that dragging piece of your life,
The one that limits your capabilities, and that,
You’ll always feel like your potential is dying,
Because of me, the destroyer of your dreams,
The one you still have to helplessly cling onto.
I know you’re ashamed of me, always are,
Shamelessly hiding me behind the covers,
Like the world needn’t know that this,
This pathetic piece of your life exists.
I know you wish me gone yet somehow,
You cant get to rid yourself of me,
Maybe because you can’t be shamed,
Or that you want to scream perfection.
I know you’ve been faking it since the first day,
The first touch and taste, which I can’t forget,
The impressions, the expressions and love,
I knew it all before we got to this point.
I feel stupid for knowing this and still,
I always believed and trusted you a lot,
I feel wasted but then so is my time with you,
I hate that I’m regretting my love for you.
How long should anyone stay and hold on,
And pretend that it’s all going to be okay,
When deep down you know nothing is okay,
That nothing is going to be the same anymore.
You made me promises, countless promises,
Including to focus on us, to make us work,
Yet you broke them just like you made them,
It’s tiring, draining, and my heart bleeds.
This hurts. I don’t want it anymore,
I can’t do this anymore, I’m tired,
I’m drowning and nobody can save me,
Hell, nobody even understands me,
Or even where I’m coming from,
Nobody gives a damn about me,
The secret of your messed up being,
Claiming it’s the norm, well screw that.
I’m tired of being strong yet I’m scared,
Scared to the bone of being vulnerable,
I’m sick of being available and accommodating,
To everyone yet I can’t let myself watch them hurt,
I’m tired of always being the one to remember,
When they refuse to acknowledge the reality.
I don’t want to feel anything no more,
I just want to be numb to everything,
To live a life without emotions,
That doesn’t need me to open up to nobody,
That I don’t have to play strong all the time.
I’m tired of all these feelings, I give up,
I just can’t do this no more, not again.
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