I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating, dying maybe.
That would be the best option at this point,
When I can’t even think of nothing useful,
Except for the woman who had me taste hell.
My subconscious haunts me, I want out,
I need to snap out of this, but my poor heart,
My heart betrays me with every beat faster,
Faster than the previous beat, I’m on overkill.
Maybe this is a necessity, so that I can live,
So that I can breathe freely without restraints,
Maybe I need a power outtage, so I can restart,
Maybe then will I be able to make it through this.
But will I be able to find myself in this rumble,
When my sanity is absolutely on the brink,
The brink of one painful loss, but maybe,
I’ll survive in my insanity, either way, I lose.
It’s 3 o’clock, a time too early for a rise,
The whole world is sleeping, but I’m awake,
Wide awake with nothing to do but watch,
Watch those around me deep in sleep.
My subconscious gives me no peace,
My recurrent dreams of my past hurt,
It sucks, but why does this hurt so much,
When sleep was supposed to be my haven.
I keep dreaming of her, my woman,
The one disaster I can’t make right,
The only mistake that drains me daily,
The greatest regret of my lifeline.
Or maybe this is just another count,
One of the many havocks wrecked,
In the beautiful ship that left the bay,
The hit iceberg of my sole existence.
I watch my life fall apart in my dreams,
Time and again she manages to ruin me,
The same mistake happens over and again,
My heart screams very silently in agony,
The loudest silence hurts my ears, my life.
It should have been easy, this was easy,
But like they always described cheap things,
I got to learn in the most expensive way.
I should have run when I had the chance,
When my sanity could stop and save me,
But here I am, at 3 o’clock, stranded,
Desperate, fvcked up, absolutely damaged.
My life is a circus and I’m the puppet,
The puppeteer, my lovely woman,
The figment of my brain that has power,
Maybe too much power over me.
I want to say I miss her, maybe excessively,
But I hate her, I swear I do wholeheartedly,
And even then I can’t tell it to her face,
I’m drained, but it’s okay, just my subconscious,
Still trying to relive the moments in life,
The only beautiful moments it had,
Before it realized it was all a ruse, a ploy,
By they who shall never be named.
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