MAYBE

Maybe they are right when they say I’m busted. Maybe they are correct to assume I’ve lost it. Maybe it is exactly how things seem from their end. Maybe it is true that I am lost and confused and can’t do anything about it.

Maybe I am drowning in the darkness I’ve feared for so long I can’t remember not seeing it. Maybe I am becoming weightless every passing second, just a minute to completely floating. Maybe I am succumbing to the very sea of dejection so beguiling.

Yes, maybe it is time I accepted the very essence of my existence; to give and never receive; to love and never get loved; to ask and never get answered. Maybe the very possibility of winning is not aligned with my stars. Maybe, just maybe, it is fate dealing her arm and she’s on a revenge streak.

Well… In that case, maybe I’m doomed. Maybe it’s time I took a bow, unworthy and undeserved as it is. Maybe it’s time I allowed karma to do her vengeance; I may have been terrible in my past life.

But then, maybe I am floating because I learnt to swim. Or at least I’m learning to hold my breath and know the water can bear my weight. Learning I can stay underwater for a minute I more. Learning I’ve go to want it with everything, I’ve got to swim with arms and legs and streamline myself, condition myself.

Maybe it’s darker than normal because it’s darkest before dawn. Maybe it’s dark because I’m fumbling with the flashlight I never remember where I last put. Maybe it’s dark because I’m blindfolded, being led to a new home. Maybe it’s only dark because I momentarily closed my eyes and in that second I was so tired I had to sleep… Yes! Maybe I’ve just been asleep, maybe it’s the break I needed.

Maybe I’m barely hanging on because I haven’t allowed the voice calling me and the hands raised to guide me out of this hole I fell into. Maybe I fear letting anyone read behind the lines. Maybe I’m scared of walking without my mask. Maybe I just can’t imagine life without my walls.

Maybe it’s time I gave in to the morning, to rise with the dawn. Maybe, just maybe, that’s where my salvation lies.