BODIES

By Gladys Gachanja

I didn’t mean it when I said I no longer love you

You see, my mind was so clouded with peoples opinions

That i could not tell the sun from the moon

I blindly let society and friends lead me to a bottomless dungeon

Where the only light permeating to my soul was from peoples attention

But afterwards ,I was left groping in the dark

Battling my demons and the demons of others

Ashamed and bitter with myself for having no opinion over my thoughts or actions

I was angry at how easily people swayed me

When did I become this naïve?

When did I become a suckling 23 year old with the need to be led by others

I guess its because I stuck out like a rare jaguar in the savannah

I guess my expressions said I need your opinions and interference in my life

I`m sorry for not loving you in all your different stages

I should have admired you when you stretched, when you cracked from all the pressure

I should have nurtured you , not despised or felt ashamed of you

I should have let you heal yourself like the master you are

But instead, I cut you open all over

Adding or subtracting whatever I felt would make me prettier

I was after perfection, angelizing myself in strangers eyes

But what I didn’t know was that I was the most beautiful goddess to ever exist

Or at least that’s what my mama used to say, and I believed her

How I wish I appreciated your love, perseverance and beauty

They say you only miss something once its gone

I don’t just miss you, I’m heartbroken over my selfishness

But there’s nothing I can do

I guess I will just learn to accept this new stranger in the mirror