Like a drug I was drawn to him,
A man too perfect to grace my sights,
I saw my dreams in him,
I saw my smiles in him,
I saw him and I being happy,
And when I saw the possibility of ‘us’,
The alarm bells began ringing,
And for the first time, I truly was scared.
I didn’t like the way I felt about him,
It was oddly satisfying and unsettling,
How I smiled when I thought of him,
The butterflies, the bouts of happiness,
They shouldn’t have been there,
They all shouldn’t have been actualized,
I was out of my own control,
And that’s something he made happen.
I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him again,
I knew he and I had nothing,
And yet as I sat on the cold floor,
As the winds softly blew through,
Trying to silence my thoughts of him,
Trying to remind myself to stay away,
Trying to help myself out of the trance,
I couldn’t help but worry about him.
I wanted to know more about him,
Like what made him happy or sad,
Like what he hated and adored,
I wanted to know more than I needed to,
And it was a risky path I was on,
With my heart tempting me to feel,
To lock onto the emotions, and accept them,
I was losing, or maybe, I had already lost.
I didn’t like how I was happy,
Just sitting and doing nothing,
Lost in a world that would never see light,
A world in which his and mine were the same,
One in which I actually let my walls down,
One in which he let me into his,
A world so perfect it felt dreamy,
I didn’t like it, coz it was just a dream.
I should’ve let my guard stay up,
I should’ve done so many things then,
I should’ve said no when he first asked,
I’m not sure if these were regrets or not,
But for that tiny moment that I saw him,
The one that got me lost in him,
I liked everything about him,
But I had to let go, he wasn’t mine.
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