I Said No

If I had 13 reasons
You’d be all of them.
For I was just 8
8 With this burden to carry.

Tell me I was indecent at 8.
Tell me I was asking for it.
Tell me how it was my fault,
And I provoked you to do it.

Tell me I didn’t scream loud enough
For you to stop…
Left in your care
For they thought-
They thought I was safe.
Safe with you, uncle.

10,
Walking down the stairs.
When another grabbed me.
Old and wrinkled-
But still a predator
That was the age I realized,
There were many like you Uncle.

8 ,
8 years of reliving the same scenes.
Over and over again,
Drowning in tears.
Drowning in pain.

“Maybe I’m the one to blame.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t, then they wouldn’t.”
“What is wrong with me?”
“I hate the world.”
“I wish I was dead.”
“I wish I fought harder.”

Make it stop,
Make these thoughts stop!

12 failed suicides.
8 years of torture.
8 years until I understood.
It wasn’t my fault.

You were to blame.
And I was just but CHILD!
Uncle, A child in need of your protection.
Now I’m 20-something,
I know you’ve forgotten.
As for me,
It’s a wound that festers forever.

So I nurse this child I call trauma,
My life would be empty without it.
So thank you uncle for this gift,
Thank you for being so thoughtful.