Once There Was A Home in Us

A lover in the night and savior by day,
I should have been different, for him,
I should have tried to embrace him more,
Instead of always trying to save him then,
Maybe I would have saved what we had,
And maybe it would have been different,
But what was different supposed to be,
When the sun and stars were for us?

A box-shaped smile, he was a star,
A beautiful boy in the midst of stars,
A perfect one that the nights wouldn’t dream of,
He was what many would have wanted,
A lone star in the multitude of stars,
And truly, he was all that and more,
Which is why I should have done better,
To keep him close and not as far.

Letters were harder to write then,
When the moon cycle was unstable than me,
All I wanted was to see the smile pull me in,
Only that this time, it wasn’t a happy smile,
He had lost the spark he had had back then,
And I was to blame for it all and more,
Perhaps life would have been better,
If we had never met… yet we met.

And so, I write this short letter of our past,
Hoping for maybes and endless possibilities,
Trying to let him know that life changed,
That I changed for the better and I’d prove it,
That I outgrew my selfishness and insanity,
That my life was worse since I left him,
That it was all worth it for me and him,
While hoping he’d come back home; to me.

The nights have gotten longer without you,
The days even shelter than before us,
The world has gotten busier around us,
The temptation to call so high and faded,
Even then, the love stays potent and irritable,
Reminding me of all that we once had,
Pulling me from the shadows of what-ifs,
Down to the light of endless regrets.

I am shameless in my pursuit of you,
Yet hopeless and stranded on the long seas,
I am determined to get us back, love,
Yet ruined by what I had done to us,
I am lost without you here beside me,
Yet desperate to hold onto what we once had,
I am seeking you out for what we lived through,
Yet trying to understand a possible rejection.