It was cold this time of the year, the long September rains had decided to reign on till December, the nation just having celebrated their independence on Jamhuri just three days ago, the lie of us having achieved freedom that day felt deeply as a gift to these people, so it warmed their hearts to feel what they believed to be true every other year. It would set a perfect mood to the oncoming Christmas celebrations and sadly the slaying of cocks as well as their ravaging of women. They said during these times, it was impossible to get back home sober, merry indeed, huh?
But just across the road, trotting in the light drizzle was a lonesome figure, her whimpering muffled by the noise of the city at such an early night, she appeared to shiver more than anyone in the crowd, her steps hopeless she was literally dragging, despite the numerous lights no one seemed to notice the flow from her eyes falling just like the rain, she seemed lost, like everything she ever knew was now completely lost and she couldn’t fathom the wreck, like a soul torn apart by oneself. But she kept moving, dedicated on a path to find the one person she believed would help her, after all, this was both their dance.
Ngure was a 3rd year university student in Narok, he was always one calm kitten in a sea of crazy men, not that he wasn’t manly, no, he was just one of those guys who never said much but when they did, they commanded such respect one wouldn’t dare defy them. He wasn’t that innocent really, one wouldn’t go wrong to say he raised too many poles in every hole his way, but of course even the devil knows love, and his was Wambua. This girl Wambua, she was so beautiful to the eye, so warming to the heart, a kindness not seen by man, a smile like the gods themselves, Wambua!! She was Ngure’s bane, like an angel who loves ever so truly but secretly seeks destruction. She was Ngure’s true love, not that he ever told her that. He believed in the modern ideology of not praising a woman to her face, they said she would take over as the man. Haha! Quite a world.
But of course, every perfection has a major flow buried at its heart, and theirs ? Apparently, Wambua and Ngure’s grandfather’s were brothers, cousins, not so so close anyway, right? As long as they loved each other, that’s all that ever mattered in the end. But he always knew they would have to quit the game sooner or later, they wouldn’t risk pregnancy, creating but another taboo, his parents were traditional, they would crucify him.
He swore to always have condoms for every other time even though she never liked them, and who was he to say no to such an offer. He only hoped that she would always take care of it like she said she would, secretly also gratifying for not being born a woman, it was just crazy like all of them, he said to himself.
The knock at the door came unexpectedly as he wasn’t expecting anyone this night, Wambua had decided to stay home since the rain which was falling hard by now wouldn’t allow her to come by. “Who is it?” He asked authoritatively suppressing the dread brewing up in him, he listened. “It’s me” despite the lack of proper identification he knew right away who was on the other side, her voice always had him clawing for breath at his knees, forbidden love indeed. He took a step towards the door and then stopped at his tracks, for a moment too long he wondered why she was here, at his door, in this stormy weather. She didn’t even call. He could taste her distress from out there, she clearly wasn’t well. What could it be? He ravaged his mind.
What if…..? “Ngure! open the door, I’m freezing” her voice breaking his trance, he rushes to let her in. Closing the door behind her, a totally soaked Wambua sobs frantically just as he faces her, had it not rained, one would have concluded the dripping from her clothes were from those eyes, so sad and shaken.
He takes her in an embrace as he coos calmly until she’s all dried up and composed, he looked at her, waited patiently as she thought of how to start, he didn’t wanna push her, not because he cared much, but he was scared of what she would say, he was actually praying she would just say its nothing and this time he would let it go at that, just let her be. But he knew this wasn’t one of those times, her eyes reflected her worst fears and he hoped they didn’t share that, for it’d hell for them both.
Her voice came out dry and choked this time, “Ngure, I’m pregnant…, …, what now?”
He now took the seat just across her and glared onto her, shocked by what she had just spilled, he remembered an incident last week where one of his girls had lied about being pregnant by him, he had thought that to be the worst thing ever until he met this, now he wasn’t so sure, he almost chocked as he felt the blow go through him, his face showing betrayal and fear. She didn’t take care of it, this is her fault, but that’s my child, I’m I ready for one?….a couple more strings of questions and you’d get a vague picture of how his brain was at that very moment.
“Dammit!” his anger now boiling slowly within him, he wasn’t ready, he wouldn’t even be ready any sooner, his breaths now shallow and faster. He looked at her again, she seemed more composed now, like she had finally accepted what lay before her, completely sunk inside her. But she also looked like one of those goats being led to a slaughter this time of the year, you know, with all lost hope, being slain would be a huge favor?
It didn’t take him long to make his decision, that night, he helped her into some of his clothes after he bathed her, made her supper, and took her to bed where he held her so closely she felt safer in an already wrecked world, as she fell asleep in his arms, she had a wary wry smile on her while behind her, Ngure hoped tomorrow would be fruitful but also fruitless, he would be doing them both a favor anyway.
Wambua woke with a startle as he poked at her, it hadn’t been an easy night for her, but she did feel more calm this morning, Ngure had proven to be quite loving and loyal, and she didn’t feel alone anymore, she smiled as she looked at him, it was a better day, heck, you never really know what the devils has in your basket do you?
“Some breakfast babe?” He said neatly arranging some food on a platter, she always loved that he could cook, a bonus for her, she felt proud for having such a nice guy. A stomach full later, Wambua couldn’t feel herself, numb was it? Her thoughts completely lost on her, and her sight now envisioned by a darkness too much it could have swallowed the sun.
Ngure wasn’t one of those risk takers, but he also wasn’t one to disappoint his father, he just wanted that thing taken out of her, then it would be ok, their lives both back to normal, happy even. After that, they’d be careful…he swore, again.
But he should’ve known, he saw how her tears flowed, like a river with broken banks, even his calm embrace wouldn’t have held her this time, so she went with the flow, red she painted along, a mother and child both lost before even their realization. “No refunds, you knew it was a risk and still went for it…” He couldn’t listen as the supposed doctor blabbed on about her death, he shuddered… It was just about midday, the sun shining so brightly as if to warn the sky was soon about to break and unleash hell upon them all.
Ngure felt it all, utter grief to the point of breaking, the cold shudders that judged him for her murder, the struggled breaths caught in his throat every other time and fear so deep inside him he wanted to perish at that right moment.
So a loop on his head, his stool just a bed, and life again he slayed.
What does a man know best anyway?
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