FORGETTING LOVE

When I first found out it was this sweet
Heaven feeling.I never wanted to stop
I wanted to be like those sexy Indian women in their sari on that site
This didn’t feel right because I began to ignore him
I concentrated so much on this app
It was out of curiosity and it eventually became a need
Without it I couldn’t remain sane
I wanted more
I wanted to show the world what I was made of
How about him
I was never interested in any intimacy with him
I got all I wanted from that site
I got all the satisfaction and pleasure I’ve always wanted

When was the last time I ever kissed him
When was the last time I looked into his eyes and tried to seduce him
When was the last time I touched him so intimately
It had really come down to this
Total strangers
No affection,no love,no companionship,no tickling,no play,nothing at all
Its the impact of watching too much porn
I was enjoying this
I wanted to be a pornstar but I was going to do it in a different way
I wasn’t going to show my face on those videos I was intending to upload
Watching and uploading my own videos fed my brain
Those explicit images would arouse me
I would look like a filthy animal doing these
The addiction was increasing so fast
I couldn’t think of the love of my life anymore
I watched him hurting and I didn’t care
He felt cheated on and disgusted
He had lost his self esteem
He was furious and upset
But he couldn’t force me to do this
I was a grown up and not a child

When he found out what have been doing
He became an animal
He was disappointed
He learnt this from the hearsay
He couldn’t believe this until he had to confirm this all by himself

Checked on the account they talked about
Checked on the profile picture and the background
There is the door to the bathroom behind this anonymous girl
Just the hallway in our house
Her face was cropped but those lips
Those lips were Tessy’s
My lips
“So it’s true,Tessy is this anonymous girl they have been talking about”

His view on me changed
I felt so sorry but it was too late
I lost my best friend
I lost the love of my life
He finally exposed me to the whole world
I lost my friends
I lost my family
I lost respect over my body
People lost respect for me
All because of this app
I was so sad,mad,confused,scared
I was such a mess
I felt like people were seeing me naked
I felt like they knew my body without my clothes on

“I’m human and we do mistakes,let them not judge me out of this”
I couldn’t keep hiding from people forever
I had to build a bridge from my mistake and go over it