IRREEDEEMABLE..!!

So am standing at Heavens Door,
undecided,should i Knock??,
it’s hard
i can’t even raise my hand,
Soo unworthy to even cry,
I killed a Soul
A soul that perhaps was so full of hope,
I killed him/her before they even got to be formed,
And all i did was Apologize
apologize for having to kill,
told them they were better off from this crapy world,But that was selfish because they lay there without even form,
And i stood there full of warm breath,

I try to move on but energy is like a gravity, always pulling me back,
I repeatedly repented but i had no Choice,
I had to Save that baby before it was too late,
God Knows i tried?,
Am just Tired,
my Soul is Sore,
I need Redemption,but i now know that
i need forgiveness from within,

Poet Rays ?.