NOTE TO MY LOST SELF

By Glady’s Gachanja

I see your beautiful face, fading like the mist.
I try to reach out, but you run even faster.
Our time together has been great.
Full of turmoil’s and memories of battles conquered.
But I need a better façade to carry on this journey.
But before you go
I will tell you just how you changed my life.
You gave me the courage to keep my head up when there was a boulder on my slim shoulders.
You taught me to depend on myself.

You encouraged me to be myself when I felt like I needed to fit in.
You gave me a reason to smile in between the flames of hell.
But most of all, you kept me company on my loneliest days.
Allowing me to cry my heart out or laugh at myself on how silly I am
Without a shred of judgment
I am a strong woman because you showed me how to be one.
But recently, I have lost the grace or rather the strength to take you along.
I no longer feel the need to poke the flames of determination or courage.
You can call me selfish, but I need this time to heal before taking you back.

Before you go, I will dress you in the prettiest dress, full of pearls and lovely bows on your hair.
Place you in a velvet casket lined with soft silk and a soft pillow for your head.
Put your favorite song on repeat to keep you company.
Don’t cry when we say our goodbyes because it’s not really goodbye.
And when you reach the other end, I hope you visit me as a fairy.
Beautiful and full of wisdom
I will find you when I find myself again.

Until then, I will wallow in this endless pit of thoughts.
Trying to pull me up again.
I yearn for the day my spirit will feel the warmth of the morning sun again.
Anticipating for sunsets, not depressed by their beauty.