By Churchboy
Congratulations are in order, she is finally getting married,
My first is getting married, I hope I was her first love too,
I am happy for her, my foot.
I cannot lie to myself, I saw it coming,
The nice photos she posted with her bae, ached my heart to the maximum,
I don’t know how I survived such pain, maybe I am an alien or,
Maybe the thought of, how she might one-day leave him for me kept me surviving.
They say if you love someone you are supposed to fight,
But how can I fight someone trained by the government to thrash me,
That is a suicide mission,
However, right now I am ready to fight; the sound of her wedding bells has pushed me to the wall,
I hope their wedding will have security since if I dare touch palm wine on that day,
People, I am ruining that wedding!
I am ready to stand before the pastor, the congregation, and the whole of Hongwe community that trust me deeply and lie to their faces,
The bride is carrying my pregnancy and the groom was previously married to a Muslim lady in Lamu I will say.
Hopefully, I will have fabricated enough evidence to convince the church to call off the wedding,
I know I might end up with a bullet in my head, but fuck it, I might as well die for her.
I have loved her from a far long enough, maybe she might love me when I cannot breathe,
Which weed will I smoke to lower these feelings?
This continuous reminder in my head that I am about to lose her completely,
Living without her seems impossible,
The feeling I have harbored for her since Mpeketoni Secondary, Form 1 want to explode,
What did I do wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
Which step did I miss to make her not marry me instead?
What mistake should I rectify?
Where were all these feelings till their relationship accelerated to engagement level?
Why did I wait for this long to prove to her how much I love her?
Sometimes I lie to myself that the photos, she posts are to make me jealous,
Maybe it will make me feel better to know I still mean something to her,
asking If I did something wrong for you to choose him over me, I am sorry mi amor. I still love you.
I hope I could find the courage to tell her these words without the fear of her saying no and walking out on me for the last time.
I know my career might not be as stable as his but my love for you is more stable than his,
All those letters I wrote for you back in the day, I wasn’t young and stupid,
I was and I still am young and in love.
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