It has taken me approximately 5 years for me to finally get over you. Such a record time because ours was a relationship that ended before it even began.
I’ve been going through my life carrying pieces of you with me that I didn’t want to leave behind, probably because I didn’t know how to survive without you, spilling them here and there, that’s probably the reason why it’s been hard for me to have a relationship.
I’ve been trying to look for you in every single person that shows interest in me, and it has finally dawned on me that you are gone, never to be mine, to touch, or to see.
These 5 years have been a cycle of loving you and hating you, asking myself why I was never good enough for the one man I’ve ever truly loved, sending you messages a 3.00 am when I missed you so much it hurts…
Knowing fully well you were with someone, but still sending them anyway, deleting your number and saving it again because what’s the use of deleting a number that’s engraved in your heart? just like a tattoo on your skin.
There are so many questions whose answers I did not receive, but I’ve since stopped asking myself; maybe not all questions have answers. Maybe letting go is a good thing, and it would promote healing…
I’m starting to be happy now; maybe letting go really is a good thing. I want to say I’m sorry for guilt tripping you for these 5 years, for making you feel bad for breaking my heart, it has taken me really long to realize this, but I broke my own heart with my expectations…
I’m sorry for all the messages I ever sent you when the only mistake you made was to care for me in your own special way(for the time that you did)… I’m really sorry.
I want to say thank you for not going easy on me… For letting me understand exactly how painful a heartbreak can be, for not pretending to feel for me as I felt for you because that would have hurt much worse, thank you for all the nights, you sacrificed to hear my stupid stories, and thank you for always seeing the best in me even on my darkest days.
Today, I’m writing this, my last goodbyes to a man that made my heart skip a beat like no other, for a relationship that was over before it even began, and obviously for a love that was never meant to be.
I want you to know that a part of my heart was once yours, and forever it will be.
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