THE GIRL WITHOUT A REALITY

The walls look at me differently,
Silently judging the girl with scars,
The broken warrior who can’t keep fighting,
Everyone is staring, watching, and waiting,
For what it will take for her to break,
Not understanding how broken she already is,
How numb she has become to the world she wanted,
The girl without a better reality. Her.

Everything hurts, everyone sucks,
Betrayal hits me for the hundredth time,
And this time, I can’t pretend to be okay,
The walls are no longer closing in,
Instead, like a ticking time bomb they beep,
Their laughter echo across the hallways,
In a world that should have been safe,
But I guess it’s true, we all lie.

Midnight hour, my favorite time,
When everyone is quiet, even my thoughts,
So, I sit and wait, for a time that takes forever,
My patience is slowly diminishing,
But what can a mortal like me do,
Other than pray it all gets better,
Then again, what is better? Who is better?
It hurts, and this time, I want it all to stop.

I miss mama, not that she would make it better,
But I miss her, because I could let it all out,
And she wouldn’t judge me, the flesh of her flesh.
I wish I could explain how bad it hurts,
But no words can do my state any justice,
And maybe that’s why I hope for the best,
Maybe that’s why I wait for a miracle,
One that could make it all make sense.

Take away my conscience, I may not need it,
Allow me to rewrite my functionalities, please,
A few lines, that’s all I wish for, just a few,
Make it all stop, make it all go away,
If that’s too much trouble, then take it all away,
I can’t really make a choice at the moment,
My hands are cuffed to my ankles,
But I don’t feel a thing, maybe I’m finally a goner.

Make me numb please, to fire or ice, I won’t mind,
Just take the senses away, I can’ be happy or sad,
Even if I can, I wouldn’t know, coz everything hurts,
Yet everything I see and feel is emptiness, a hollow,
Don’t try fixing me, I will do it myself, with time,
Maybe today, Maybe tomorrow, maybe forever, but I will,
Just let me reprogram it all, Maybe then, it will be better,
For the girl without a reality, the one I have to love. Me.