Pursuit of Silence

Finding myself in the rubble of my thoughts.
Sorting through PTSD, just to heal all over again.
Fighting for breath as the anxiety kicks in.
Coming up for air after drowning in my own tears.

Reaching out for sanity, holding a joint instead.
I need to quiet the voices.
I need to shut out the intrusives.
I’m trying not to live on the edge.
I’m desperate for silence.
Acceptance, peace,
Silence, silence, silence.

Going crazy on a Tuesday,
Letting it show only on weekends.
Sinking in the sea of regret,
Floating at the bar instead.

Smiling at the low-quality pictures,
At how much worse it actually got.
Writing letters to my old self,
Apologizing for not making it up.
Looking for forgiveness,
Finding resignation instead.