The Weight of Empty

I have never known such loneliness.
This is too much to bear.
I am inclined to let this pass,
As I have before,
But it’s so cold now.
So empty.

I hear my own echoes mocking me,
Every time I step toward the light.
My own shadow bends and cackles,
Laughing at my every move.

I’ve always been alone.
And the thing about loneliness;
Once it sinks its claws in,
Once it digs in deep,
Once it consumes your soul,
Eating away at pieces of you,
Making sure they never grow back-
Well, it’s not easy to shake off.

I’ve tried,
More like obsessed.
I’ve given love a chance-
Dates and men,
Flowers and kisses,
Netflix and chill.
But still, my heart,
Remains frost and unmoved.

I blame my absent parents,
Explorers of continents.
Their cold love, their hatred.
Their harsh words,
Their indifference.
I blame the universe;
Its unforgiving rules,
Its foolish favoritism.

I blame myself-
For believing in their love,
For believing in people,
For expecting the world
To applaud me for trying.

Hollow is now my heart.
I can’t seem to fill it.
Not with drugs, money,
Or empty distractions.
Hollow is the word I speak.
Words lacking flavor and valor,
Words stinging the core of love,
Leaving my heart aching for a touch,
Yet unable to reach for it.